Being married for 4 years, in my solitude, I always end up thinking of the 5 things I lost when I got married and my mind always left me those “what if’s?”
Those “What if’s” have been crossed your mind? “What if I didn’t marry?”, ‘What if I just chose my career?” and etc. These questions have been crossing my mind whenever I feel down. So I came up to list the 5 things I lost when I got married.
5 Things I Lost When I Got Married
1. I lost my career.
I have been working since I was young but being a freelancer made me built my own name and independence. Through freelancing, I was able to pay my own bills and support myself all alone. But after I get married, I lost my job one by one due to lack of time. He’s the one who brings the paycheck, so he’s the boss. He set the rules for what to buy and not too. I’m lucky if I received an allowance and unlucky if I don’t.
2. I lost my voice.
I was a victim of verbal abuse so I really hate confrontations and I don’t want to explain myself and then will end into rejections. Whenever I’m angry, I keep in silence so I lost my voice on every side of my life. I just let them think whatever they want. I say “yes” even though I wanted to say “no” just to make the story and conversations short.
3. I lost my self-confidence
I am one of those women who always take risks and always believe that you will never know what happens next if you won’t take a step forward. After being married, I lost my self-confidence, the belief that I can do better. I lived in fear that I might not able to see my son and those “what if’s” are raising again.
I never tried telling the things that I wanted and I’d let them decide for me. They treat me like a child, they think that I don’t know anything about life.
4. I lost my self
I am one of those women who are a well-trained and skilled freelancer but when I was married I became a housewife, taking care of the house and family without being appreciated. Even though I do my best it’s still not enough. I felt self-pity whenever I see my friends who’ve been successful and happy.
5. I lost touch with friends and family
Before I got married, my friends, family and I usually eat together, during summer we go to the beach or resort to swim. We celebrate together during birthdays and talked to each other every day. But, each day after my marriage, I lost touch with them. We exchange messages sometimes but it’s not the same as before. I started my fears in answering the questions like, “How are you?”, “What do you do? Do you work?” and etc. I don’t want them to worry about me so I just keep my distance.
Losing your career, self, family and friends, self-confidence and your voice is such a nightmare. You feel like your trapped into something and you don’t know how to get out. But honestly, keeping yourself in silence is not the answer. Avoiding confrontations is not good. It’s better to voice out yourself, express your thoughts and feelings honestly and actively. But sometimes the language barrier will get in the way of expressing thoughts but the two of you should look for another way to communicate.
Respect and recognition for each other’s roles are very important to make the marriage work out. We all know that married life is not perfect. We just learn to understand each other, be open-minded, respect and accept each other flaws.
And always remember that a good husband encourages his wife to be independent, pursue her dream, be successful and he will always be her number one fan. A good marriage will always empower each other.
At this point, there might be times that I still feel down but I’m doing fine. I’ve got the chance to study the language of my husband so communication got better, I made friends with others here in Korea, and I’ve participated in some activities at the multicultural center and others like museum tours.
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